Some of you may know that in January of 2014, I was involved in a serious accident that resulted in a long stay in the hospital, many broken bones in my spine, and a moderately serious head trauma (TBI - traumatic brain injury). While the broken bones are taking their time to heal, tt's the head trauma that has impacted my creativity and work life more than anything else...and in ways I hadn't expected.
My TBI affected my
left frontal and
temporal lobes. These are areas of the brain traditionally thought to be responsible for most of our analytical abilities, language/communication, mood, decision-making, memory, and motor function. It's a complex and inexact science and no one can really predict how someone will be affected by a particular blow to the brain. Also, over time the brain will at least partially heal and some functions may return to the once-damaged area, or may be handled by a different part of the brain.
Initially, my memory for recent events and matching names with faces was seriously impaired. On the day I returned to the office, six weeks after the crash, I went all day without being able to remember the names of most of my coworkers - these were folks I'd worked with for 18 months and had great working relationships with. It was unbelievably frustrating to stare at the face of a friend and not be able to access his or her name. Yep, I shed more than a few tears of frustration over this!
I also had difficulties with word-finding, particularly when speaking. My brain would often just go on hold and I couldn't come up with the words that I wanted to speak or write. I could "see" the concept that I was trying to communicate in my head, but I couldn't verbalize it.
But the biggest negative impact has been on my analytical, technical, and programming abilities. This type of work was my "day job" for the last 20 years, and now I'd sit in front of my computer screen, not able to remember even the basics of programming or how to write technical documentation. I felt even more frustration, sadness, and fear when I realized this ability was now gone.
Most of these effects continue to get better - my abilities to associate names with faces seems to be back to normal. My short-term memory has improved drastically, although my analytical and technical abilities have as yet to return.
But on a very positive note, I didn't expect that my creativity would soar during this time!
Maybe it's the fact that my inner critic is now silent that has allowed my creativity to grow. If that's the case, I hope it's mute forever! Or perhaps with the loss of my analytical and technical abilities, my creative side has figuratively been given room to soar.
I'm not sure the cause, but I do see the outcome. And I LOVE it!
I'm more efficient and focused at the easel than I have ever been before. My ability to come up with an original idea for a painting, and then execute it, has never been this good. My color mixing abilities have never been better, and new ideas for paintings flow to me constantly.
I feel as though I am totally in the groove of painting, and it's absolutely wonderful!
I'm sure that everyone who has a TBI comes away with different experiences and outcomes - some good, some not-so-good. I'm grateful that something as traumatic as a brain injury can have a welcome, positive outcome.
Will I ever get back my technical abilities? At this point, my doctor isn't sure. It will likely be another 12 months before we know that - that will be the summer of 2015. But in the meantime, I'm going to exercise my more creative brain to its utmost and see where it takes me!
